Unending Cycle
by SitsOnFloor
Summary: This is an AU idea of why Wally might have quit being a superhero. Of course this is set in season two after the capture of Jaime and Bart, and after Artemis goes on her undercover mission, but is outside of continuity when it comes to episodes afterwards. It's a companion to a series of one-shots that lead to the event of this story.
1. Break Down

**Break Down**

A/N: Hi this is just a test chapter to see if anyone has any interest in the story. There isn't really any focus on pairings so the only ones that'll make any kind of appearance might be Spitfire, and that will only be in passing. please read and review. tell me what you think of the story. It's a new format I don't know what you guys will think of it, I've never used it before. (if you don't like it I can try a different one.) Also please keep in mind that what he's thinking about how everyone else views him is only percieved. The thing about psychology is that the only person it has to make sense to is you for it to be gospel.

**Warning: there are instances of severe depression, suicide attempt, hospitalization, and illogical thought process.**

Wally sit's on his bed waiting for the ambien to start working in his system. He's been up all night for the past six days and has little to no fuel in his system. He's too depressed to eat, and too anxious to sleep. The only way he can even touch the ignorant bliss of unadulturated sleep is when he he's pops some pills in his mouth. Of course due to his metabolism he has to take more pills than your average joe. So much so that the prescription he gets for the Ambien is just a cover for the overload of pills he has to get through other means. (The insurance company only allots him 18 pills a month. Apparently someone cant' count because there is much more than 18 days in a single month.) Thankfully (in a bittersweet way) his metabolism may be to fast for three pills to even make a dent in his inability to sleep, it's slow enough for ten to be just fine (for now.) His metablolism still isn't as fast as Uncle Barry's ("you don't have the Allen eyes" more proof of inadequacy.)

The pills are starting to muddle his thought process, but back in his mind he still dreads the idea of sleep. (What's the use of falling asleep if in the morning he still has to wake up. He hears his phone ring in the background. He ignores it. For all he knows it's probably some bill collector or solicitor. It's highly unlikely that it could be anyone looking to check-up on him. No one has for the past two months. Paula blames him for her daughter's death (Wally would if her were her, He's surprised she didn't ban him from the funeral.) Artemis is down under (she could die if she called him.) Barry's been too busy (Bart, Iris, the twins, being a hero.) Bart's gone (his fault.) He and Dick have drifted apart (also. his fault.)

Wanting the constant self-hating and self-demeaning thoughts to stop he takes some more pills...the rest of the bottle. He now has 25 ambien in his system, but he knows it's not enough. He'd still survive. So he takes the rest of his Zoloft (how come there's only ten left in the bottle?) He opens the Tylenol and pours half the bottle into his shaking hand, causing several pills to fall to the floor. He doesn't notice. He's too medicated to know his up from his down. He starts to develop a headache, so he lays down on the bed hoping to make it go away. He hears the phone ring again as he feels his world fall into darkness.

* * *

He's brought back to the land of the living when he hears the door to his room burst open. He lifts his head up slightly from the bed in recognition before laying it back down. He just wants to go back to sleep.

The second time he wakes up it's because of two hands placed on his shoulders. They're shaking him and he hears an unfamiliar voice yelling for him to wake up. Asking him what it was that he took.

He really doesn't want to answer. He just wants to go back to sleep. Why can't they just let him sleep? _Ambien, _he answers them (he thinks, he's really too tired to know whether or not he actually opened his mouth) so they'd let him go back to sleep.

They don't. The next time he wakes up he's strapped to something, and it's moving. He can't see he's too tired to pry open his eyes, but he can hear people talking to him. Telling him to stay awake. He doesn't want to and he wishes they would just let him rest.

Next thing Wally knew he was being rolled passed the double door and down a long hallway. His eyes were finally open (he thinks. The only thing that he could see was a wall of blinding white) , and everyone was yelling. He could feel someone shove something under his nose and if he had enough energy he would have heaved at the smell. The most he could do right now was just jerk slightly.

He heard someone say while shaking his shoulder "Wake up Daniel" (_I'm not Daniel I am awake) _He hadn't noticed, but Wally was too far gone to say anything at the moment. "C'mon Daniel we need you to stay with us."

His chest was heavy and it was getting hard to breath. He was still to tired to use any other of senses besides hearing. Through haze he overheard male ask someone (_probably a doctor. He's gathered enough to know that he was in the hospital. He wonders who found him.) _If they should pump his stomach. He doesn't hear the reply when he sinks back into oblivion.

The next time he woke up he sitting up. People in white holding him up and holding a clear hospital jug filled with black gunk. He felt the nurses (he guesses they were nurses) hands on his back. He couldn't hear anyone, but he felt that he needed to drink the gunk that was in cup. He didn't know why he just knew it was important. (he couldn't hear the other people in the room. Couldn't hear that they were urging him to drink the charcoal that would clean out his system.) He drank as much as he could (there was less than an inch left in the jug) before going back under.

He spent the rest of the night in a haze. Everytime he woke back up it felt as if his mind were under water. Apparently that stuff they shoved down his throat was supposed to clean out his system, because he kept throwing up. He wasn't even lucid enough hold his own bag, because even though he can barely hold his head up straight he can see one of the nurses (_male) _holding the bag under his mouth for him, and wiping his chin when he was done. He was in and out of consciousness for the rest of the night.

He wakes up the next morning and is lucid enough to notice that the sun was out. He could tell from how it fell across the room from the window located behind his gurney. He was still in the one of the emergency room's examination areas. He looked around and noticed that there were IVs in his arm pumping in nutrients and fluid.

around his other arm was a blood pressure machine that kept taking his vital every five minutes. (_It was really getting on his nerves...He would have taken it off if the nurse on the other side of the room wasn't give him a "do it I dare ya'" glare...really I thought nurses were supposed to be nice?) _Another thing he noticed was that his throat was dry and raw. It hurt to breath, and there was a mask over his face, and on top of all that he was developing a killer headache.

He looked to one of the nurses checking his IV "Water?" he asked wincing at not only the pain in his throat, but also at how weak his voice sounded. It sounded more like a frog's croak than a request.

The nurse walked around the end of his bed and replied "I'm sorry sir, but you can't have any water. You're still nauseous. I can get you ice chips though." The nurse turned around and left the room. An hour later he still hadn't come back with the Ice Chips. (_Really? Is everyone that works here just a dick or something? Ha. Dick.) _He winced at the thought of his best friend. He hopes he doesn't know about what happened. He really hope no one knows. He lays his head back and tries to sleep through the headache.


	2. Recuperation

**Recuperation**

**Trigger Warnings: Talk of attempted suicide, Hospitalization, Depression, and Guilt**

A/N: and now we see why I don't name chapters a lot. I'm an amature writer so please tell me if there's something you see that you like or don't like. I decided to continue this story because apparently the idea wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I did quite a bit of research on both Wally's diagnosis and how mental hospitals work now, as well as on the precedures medical hospitals take when caring for patients who are admitted after an attempted suicide.

thank you for reading and please review.

* * *

It's a little bit later in the day when Wally wakes up again. Apparently it's now evening if the lack of natural light was anything to go by. The mask from earlier is still on his face but he's been taken off of the automatic blood pressure machine (_Thank God_) but he can see the IV is still attached to his arm (_shit_)

Wally shifts his position in hopes to relieve at least some of the tension that's built up in his neck and shoulders from sleeping in the gurney for so long. He starts to wonder's why he's still in the emergency room, when his attention is pulled to the figure standing in the door way. It's a short brown skinned young man with a slight almost imperceptible southern twang.

"Good evening Mr. West." The young doctor says as he reaches the head of Wally's bed. The doctor looks over Wally's IV before introducing himself. "I'm Doctor Nowar, Mr. West do you know where you are?"

"The hospital." his answer comes out closer to a whisper than Wally intended. It's still difficult for him to breathe, and his throat still feels as if it's peeling.

Dr. Nowar nods his head before continuing "Yes it is. Do you know why?"

Wally opens his mouth to answer, only now realizing exactly what he did. "I tried to kill myself." He says it as though he was detached. Still slightly in denial as to what he did. He looks back at the doctor and sees him nod.

"Mr. West you're very lucky your class mate found you in time. The large amount of Ambien in your system slowed your breathing to the point where we had to put you on oxygen the Tylenol you took could have destroyed your liver. Luckily you got here in time so we were able to use charcoal to get most of it out of your system, but you're still going to have to be on an IV to flush the rest of it out. Once you have a room we'll talk a bit more."

The doctor's on his way out the door when two women wearing scrubs enter the room. The older woman wearing pink scrubs introduces them both.

"Hi, there. My names Julie, and this is Sarah. Sarah will be your sitter." Sarah and young blond woman wearing blue Superman scrubs nods towards Wally in greeting and sits in a chair by the door.

Wally sits there staring at the door trying to ward off the head ache that just won't seem to go away (and they won't let him have any Tylenol He's about to head back to sleep when a young man with black hair and blue eyes enters the room.

Dick looks tired. From the bags under his eyes and slump in his shoulders he can tell that Dick probably hasn't slept all night. Once Dick notices that Wally was awake even the speedster was surprised with the speed at which his best friend made it to the side of his bed.

Just looking at Dick make's Wally's heart break. He feels selfish and stupid because the more he studies Dick's face, the more he can see where the cracks in his brother's mask have spread. Though he's smiling Dick's eyes show his guilt in full force.

* * *

"Hey, man." Dick says trying to make his smile look at least somewhat sincere. "Gave me a scare for a minute there."

There was an awkward silence, with Dick biting his lip and Wally looking anywhere but at his best friend. Neither really knew how to handle this. Nobody could ever have conceived the idea of one of them getting to this point. Especially not Wally, he was the one who smiled, who when knocked down always got back up again.

Dick thinks Wally shouldn't be here. He shouldn't have gotten to the point where he felt there was no other way out. Wally should have felt like he could turn to someone, he shouldn't have felt like he had to keep secrets.

Dick blames himself. He should have been there. He should have called earlier, he should have visited Wally instead of just following his best friend's request to be alone. Wally shouldn't have been alone while trying to pretend to mourn over the "death" of his girlfriend, losing what bit of normalcy the couple had gained, and dealing with the mounting pressure from school and work.

Dick should have known. He just can't get the idea out of his head that if he had done something differently, or said something then Wally would have opened up. They could have gotten him help before it got to this point.

Dick was broken out of his revere when Wally asked him a question.

"Have you called Uncle Barry, or my parents?" Wally looked up and Dick could see the slightly guarded anxiety in his gaze.

"That's something you're going to have to do." The young man paused a moment before continuing. "They probably won't want to hear this from me. I've hacked your medical files and amended it to say that you were anemic. The doctors will probably put you on double portions, with small snacks through out the day, when you're finally on a regular diet."

"Thanks Dick, you should probably go home and get some rest."

Dick was about to protest, but one look at Wally and he decided to relent. Even though Wally had been unconscious for most of the day, it didn't provide the same relief that sleep did. And with the pills still in his system on top of that, Wally was so pale he practically looked like a corpse. "I've rented a hotel room. I'll see tomorrow morning." Dick gave Wally's shoulder a squeeze before leaving the room.

* * *

Glossary

(A/N: I'm most likely am going to leave this here after the end of each chapter to explain some of the words used in each chapter of the story, some of them aren't exactly common knowledge.)

Sitter: a sitter is a member of the hospital staff pulled each shift (seven hours) to watch over a patient who either a) can't take care of themselves and has no one to sit with them around the clock or b) cannot be trusted to be on there own and must be watched around the clock. They are not allowed to leave suicidal patients alone for any amount of time for any reason.


End file.
